The Best Part Of Life Is When You Don't Live It..

When I Bursted Into Tears

2009-09-01T11:29:00.001+07:00

I just couldn't help myself,
but I thought you ought to know.
So, yes.
I bursted into tears.

There was a feeling of relieved,
to be followed by fear.

What if you can't stand me in the future?

The Everyday Shocks

2009-05-19T04:53:00.003+07:00

In your room,

you remain silence.

I know.

How are you?

Everything's okay?

Maybe no.

In my room,

I sense his presence.

No, not you.

How are you?

Everything's okay?

I don't think so.

The everyday shocks you get,

the average rocks bumped to your chest.

Feel them lifting you up high and above,

and gone.

Count Down To 22

2009-05-03T22:54:00.002+07:00

Within less than an hour,

I am going to turn 22.

Oh, wow.

This is great.

Love comes and goes,

and I have learnt many things within the past year.

Thank you everyone.

You may hate me,

A Sweet Taste Of A Bitter Feeling

2009-04-21T00:41:00.000+07:00

You're so close,
I even memorize your scent.
But I don't have you...

I don't even know what this is.

So I stay put,
admire you from where I stand.
I know what I am to you now...

Shouldn't have hoped.

It's going to cause me efforts,
but knowing you more makes them all worth.
I believe that time will come.

The hope shall not gone.

Total Weirdness

2009-04-09T20:03:00.000+07:00

Used to thought that this would be easy,
not at all.
I had no idea that this would cause a massive damage.

Do I have to apologize for those who remains?
Those were not my fault either.

Surprises were beyond expectation,
what have we done?

This is what I feel that won't be shared,
of things that cause hatreds.
For I might be angry, yet shall not do sins.

Ticking Time

2009-04-07T05:11:00.000+07:00

Tick tock..
Tick tock..
He's coming back.

Knick knack..
Knick knack..
I don't think I'm well prepared.

Whatever.
He shall strengthen me, though.

Things I Can No Longer Share With You

2009-03-27T17:40:00.002+07:00

I'm moving out within these couple or three years.

Could even be within this year.

I might be back,

or I might not.

I have no idea.

What makes me sad the most,

is that I can no longer share this with you.

Visions And Dreams

2009-03-25T12:42:00.004+07:00

I've never had visions,

but dreams...yes.

Loads of dreams.

And I started to dream of you again,

after long teary days.

Should I be crying for you still,

yet I no longer do.

Instead, you stepped up towards me in dreams.

Unsure of what kind of sign are these,

I dwell in my own assumptions.

Are you okay or are you not?

Are you calling out for me deep down inside?

Or is it just me?

I've never had visions,

but dreams...yes.

Dreams of you.

Counting The Fallen Droplets

2009-03-24T15:32:00.002+07:00

I had a handful of droplets back then,

and he told me to throw away the droplets one by one each day.

No matter what, I did.

When he made me smile,

I dropped the droplets.

One by one.

When he made me cry,

I dropped the droplets.

One by one.

I had to let my hands open,

for there were too many.

Now there's only a few left.

I'm still throwing them away.

And when the droplets are gone,

I think there goes my affection too.

Enlightment

2009-03-21T04:06:00.003+07:00

In the end,

what I did wasn't so bad.

The grin still clings on my face.

No, they didn't see.

It's not like getting all of my wishes granted,

yet most of them are granted in miraculous ways.

So, yes...

...I guess this clinging grin has made my day,

and the long sleeping hours.

The Days Of Your Absence

2009-03-13T01:06:00.002+07:00

Are you there?

Funny how your presence resembles the air that I breathe,

the agony in every little thing I live with.

With the ability of visualizing none,

I sense you all around me.

Are you there?

Funny how I seem to be so pathetic,

the agony in every hope I still pray for.

And curled up alone,

with the river of tears.

These are the days of your absence,

but I know you're there.

I'm Not Alone

2009-03-04T23:15:00.001+07:00

Look what I've found.

A confession.

Brightened up the day...

...eased all my soul inconveniences.

I am so afraid of failing that I don't even want to try.

I Wish I Could Get Into Your Head

2009-02-27T00:29:00.002+07:00

This is what I just realized,

that I have to struggle so hard to be your number one.

And sometimes the struggles are just not enough.

I'm afraid,

that I'm never going to be good enough to be your number one.

You didn't really love me all these times, did you?

Say you did love me for what I am, and not just my surface.

Dear, you didn't even have to try.

You were always my number one, and still...

Which Is Which

2009-02-27T00:26:00.001+07:00

To remain silent is gold,

yet to speak is diamond.

Yeehaw!

The Pavement

2009-02-26T18:35:00.002+07:00

Been here for a while,

watching people pass and go.

Waiting for you.

Do you know it's cold out here?

Do you know it's cold to be alone?

Been here for a while,

and I can still feel the chill on my barefoot.

Waiting for you.

Do you know it's a painful feeling?

Do you know it hurts to be left alone?

Been here for a while,

and the raindrops fall.

Waiting for you.

I don't know how you feel.

I don't know because I can't read your mind.

Been here for a while,

feeling abandoned and lonely.

But the pavement is not so cold anymore.

I've become numb.

Hello. Good Bye.

2009-02-25T00:51:00.002+07:00

Hello.

You viewed me, remember?

Asking for my number, remember?

And then we met, remember?

Or do I have to recall your memory all over again?

Hello.

It is easier to said, dear.

It brings a 'good-feel' curve.

Good bye.

Why saying that?

Two words plus a frown.

Good bye.

The path we have chosen.

Then I asked you to start things all over again.

You will never know what I've done to satisfy you.

But that's okay. I won't recall any memories out of your brain.

So,

I'm just stopping by to greet you "Hello"...

...before waving "Good Bye".

I'm Invisible

2009-02-23T13:27:00.005+07:00

Will I be noticed among the crowds?
The bright blinding lights and the loud deafening noises surrounding you.
I'll be sitting here in silence,
the invisibility cloth has been worn.
I'll watch you with a wide smile,
knowing you're happily safe and sound.

Indeed it hurts when our beloved notice us not,
yet life is not always about me and him.

This time,
life's about him.

I'm Grabbing Air

2009-02-23T00:37:00.002+07:00

In case you read this,
I miss you all the time.

And yes...
...the feeling remains.
Ask me not about what feeling,
for it is something which should not be described any longer.

Yeah. You know who you are.
I don't have to mention any names or initials, do I?

Time flies slowly.

Now I do believe when Feist said,
distance makes the heart goes weak.

It's your heart that went weak.

I still do have my wishes.
For you.
For me.
For us.
Only God knows...

Adelaide Sky - Adhitia Sofyan

2009-02-22T02:01:00.001+07:00

I need to know what’s on your mind
These coffee cups are getting cold
Mind the people passing by
They don’t know I’ll be leaving soon

I’ll fly away tomorrow
To far away
I’ll admit a cliché
Things won’t be the same without you

I’ll be looking at my window seeing Adelaide sky
Would you be kind enough to remember
I’ll be hearing my own foot steps under Adelaide sky
Would you be kind enough to remember me

I’ll let you know what’s on my mind
I wish they’ve made you portable
Then i’ll carry you around and round
I bet you’ll look good on me

I’ll fly away tomorrow
It’s been fun
I’ll repeat the cliché
Things won’t be the same without you

I’ve been meaning to call you soon
But we’re in different times
You might not be home now
Would you take a message
I’ll try to stay awake
And fight your presence in my head

Wonders And Trembles

2009-02-22T01:19:00.002+07:00

So this is the hum.

I spent days humming on the road,

with extra liquid drops.

So this is the chill.

I felt the crawling chill downside up,

with extra banging migraine.

Screw the bullshizz!!!

The mind is working on its own now.

It wonders and trembles.

Kinda eerie, huh?

Where's My Blueberry Cheese Cake?

2009-02-11T01:22:00.003+07:00

I'm missing my blueberry cheese cake.

Right now I want no other cheese cake.
Neither a plain cheese cake,
nor a cheese cake with maple syrup topping.

Where's my blueberry cheese cake?
Did they stop producing blueberry jam?

I want no plain cheese cake.
I want my blueberry cheese cake.

I think I'm gonna burst myself into tears now.

Wow..Wow..Wow..

2009-02-07T21:35:00.001+07:00

I wanna sit back, relax, and chill.
Ease all the burdens,
accompanied with a thin layer of air.
And a sip of liquor.

That would be so nice.
Indeed.

Let's go!!!

Reasons

2009-02-06T01:33:00.001+07:00

Why would I think of someone who doesn't even think of me?
And struggled too hard for that.

Why would I put someone on my priority list while I don't even exist as somebody on the other hand?
And spent so many tears.

Do I have to grave and beg for that?
I tried. It failed.

I don't get you.
It breaks my heart.

Thoughts Of You I Can't Answer

2009-02-04T18:31:00.003+07:00

Have spent my nights...sleepless.
Tried not to waste my time for useless questions.

I might not have the answer for whatever it is,
but please step me aside not.
For I will instantly question,
what am I then?

Have spent my days...thoughtful.
Tried not to be teary and move on.

I might be buggy sometimes,
but I mean no harm.
Now have I done something wrong?
Would somebody tell...

For I no longer know what to do.
No longer know nothing anymore.

Stay Beside Me

2009-01-29T22:41:00.002+07:00

Come home,
and leave me no more again.

Be by my side.

I need your embrace right now.

You're Invited

2009-01-27T05:30:00.003+07:00

Let's fall in love.

Yes,
you and me.
Together we shall be free.

Let's find a huge shady tree as our private destination.

I know it might last only for a while,
but you and me.
Together we shall be free.

Let's hold hands.

How I love the presence of those warm fingers,
yours and mine.
Together we shall be free.

Let me kiss your cheeks,
and I'll let you kiss my forehead.
For love is not always about lust...

What Now?

2009-01-25T02:11:00.002+07:00

Shouldn't have questioned,
for an action worths more that a thousand pictures.
Imagine how it feels when it happens to you...

Now I'm just standing here,
questioning my own limit.
Imagine that the edge is coming closer...

I just wish you could understand how I feel.
You may question me,
but I have no answers.

You turn my world upside down,
yes.
You think you know me inside out,
no.

I might get hurt,
but everybody heals.
You. Me.
Even if it takes a half of my life.

I Scratched My Forehead When I Just Woke Up

2009-01-22T15:39:00.002+07:00

Silly.

I'm not even sleepy.
like I've been sleeping for 8 hours.

It's the unconsciousness that brought my finger up,
and scratched.

Didn't bleed.

Hmpf...
...what's wrong with my fingers?

I'm Watching You

2009-01-22T15:33:00.002+07:00

It's like keeping my mouth shut,
while riding a roller coaster.
Yes, I feel the chill...
...I always hate roller coaster.
So there's no fun in riding it.

It's like jumping to a deep pool,
yet I can't even swim.
Yes, I feel the fear...
...of being unable to breathe and get choked.
So there's no excitement.

I'm watching you,
and that's what I feel.

I wanna hold you,
but do you wanna be held?

Do I Look Like I Care Enough Any Longer?

2009-01-19T00:35:00.002+07:00

Fencing and bouncing.
Yay! Yay! Yay!
I sense snowflakes.
But I don't sense you anywhere around...

...and I don't sense your efforts as well.

This Is What I Want To Shout

2009-01-18T04:56:00.003+07:00

You never know what I keep inside myself,
seal it tight.

Worthless.

This is what I have been keeping inside,
that you don't even care.

FUCK IT ALL!!!

Happy now?
Yes.

FUCK IT ALL!!!!

You selfish.

Be Eased, Dear Soul...

2009-01-17T11:16:00.003+07:00

To think of things that I don't know,
cuts deep and makes me bleed.
To question with no answer,
brings sorrow of my own.
To fear what shouldn't be feared,
ends up as an acute anxiety.

Therefore...
I'm letting go.

I Scratched My Chin When I Was Too Sleepy

2009-01-16T05:27:00.003+07:00

Felt like burnt at first,
thought it was okay, though...

Then it bled.
I felt nothing.

Again.
I was too sleepy.

Whatever.

You Haven't Seen The Endurance Within Me To Bear The Feeling

2009-01-14T02:06:00.000+07:00

I used to weep my last tears to sleep.
Did you know?
You did.

I used to over-think of you.
That, you didn't know.
I'm over it.

The endurance to bear the feeling has long been hiding,
and it's back now.
Ah..I'm so glad.

Now you will know more,
or perhaps...you won't even know.
We'll see.

Staring At My Own Reflection On The Water

2009-01-08T15:08:00.002+07:00

This is why I love dawn the most,
for the unbreakable silence.

When I make my steps in the dark,
with a glimpse of light from the stars above...
I enjoy myself.

I used to put my hope on you,
but not anymore.
For I shall never rely anything on human being,
and shall not burden you with my thoughts and feelings.

So there I go again,
relying on Him only.
To guide my steps in the dark,
leads me to a never ending happiness.

The water in the pond I found,
reflects my own portraiture...

Renewed

2009-01-05T15:21:00.002+07:00

Conveying the feelings,
as one had written to me earlier.
Thank you, whoever you are.
I'm conveying my feelings towards anything,
and it feels good as if removing the sore...
clear it up from my throat.

Silly.
Happy New Year, though!

I'm renewed.

Tears and fears won't disappear, I know.
Yet joy and hope will still be my companions.

If It Makes You Happy

2008-12-31T02:50:00.003+07:00

If it makes you happy...
...then you have to know that at the same time,
you break my heart into pieces.

You have drawn a true disappointment deep down inside,
yet I hope it makes you happy.

Do I have to shed my tears every single time?

Or perhaps,
I shouldn't be as patient as I have been by far.

You tell me.

The Same Feeling

2008-12-28T00:58:00.000+07:00

Either when you're far, or near,
in my heart you have stayed...

I miss you all the way.

You can sleep well no matter what,
I wish I could have the same luxury.

But in a way,
it has been a blessing.

That every second matters,
when it comes to you.

I miss you all the way,
my beloved boyfriend.

It Has Been You

2008-12-25T12:03:00.002+07:00

I've been dealing with this trouble sleeping,
but how can I share?
You have had your own thoughts and problems,
and it would not be wise enough for me to share.
I would be selfish to give another burden.
And I waited.

So I've been planning on getting some pills,
with a hope that it would be a solver.

Then it came,
when I finally spoke of it.
It was the predicted response that you made,
and I wish I hadn't spoken it.

You asked, "What would be the cause of your sleeping trouble?"
I stayed in silence,
but my thoughts mourned...

It has been you.
The thoughts of you.
My great feeling of wanting you close.
I still can't figure a way out to distract my own thoughts.

But I didn't have the guts to tell you so.
I wish you had given me a hug,
but I would be selfish to give another burden.

It's Like

2008-12-19T13:54:00.003+07:00

It's like walking without knowing where,
and all I can do is stare.
My cold wet feet and fingers start to tremble,
wishing for a warm hug or a simple cuddle.

It's like asking without getting the answer,
and so I force to get myself together.
There's nothing left to weep,
yet tears still flow down as the heart has been cut deep.

It's like eating without any hunger,
and I only eat to stay alive a bit longer.
What a tempting gift that could never be possessed,
it only makes one become more obsessed.

It's like watching an empire falls,
people have been too busy with their ego and phone calls.

My Lord shall be with me all the way...

This Butterfly Inside My Stomach

2008-12-15T17:06:00.002+07:00

I used to wonder about it,

for hours before my consciousness disappeared.

Now I have it.

I don't want to lose it.

Not this time.

Rise Again

2008-12-01T09:32:00.001+07:00

It has been a while.

Oh..how I miss the words popping out from my mind with style.

Yes. Yes.

Mind is a battle field of my own,

and the last thing I want to know is always shown.

I shall battle myself.

Mark My Words

2008-04-19T22:14:00.003+07:00

When you are being silent,

no one can understand what you have in mind.

When you are being weak,

the strength shall slips into you out of a sudden.

When you are being passive,

you're not showing any kind of love to anyone.

When you are crying,

the universe cries with you.

When you are at the lowest point of your life,

remember...good times are coming.

She Finally Realized

2008-04-19T22:10:00.003+07:00

She was a silent one,

imperfect, yet fulfilled.

And there he was,

to be with her.

She was glad.

What else could she expect?

But one day she finally realized,

that he let her hands slipped away...

when they met another girl from the past,

being introduced to her as a 'friend'.

If so,

why did he let her hands go instantly?

Instead, why didn't he hold her tighter?

She couldn't understand...

Lessons Of Life And Love

2008-04-17T10:48:00.004+07:00

Learn to listen,

by asking.

Learn to feel,

not always by seeing.

Learn to speak up,

without hurting.

Learn to love,

and be loved in return.

After all,

human beings are what we are.

Once In A While, Look Into My Eyes

2008-04-11T14:17:00.000+07:00

You said,

things might not always work the way we want.

I believed, and still.

Then I wait,

and try to be someone you want.

This desperation I feel.

So once in a while,

look into my eyes.

Have you gone for miles,

before do me your despise?

Dear Lord...

2008-03-06T23:35:00.002+07:00

I love You, Lord!
Thanks for this miraculous day...

I shall not bother Thy any longer,
for what I have in heart and mind...
...Thy can already see and understand.

Oh, how I love You so...

I Haven't Been Thankful

2008-03-04T02:39:00.001+07:00

I haven't been thankful,
all these times...

I haven't.
No, I haven't.

I haven't been grateful,
all these times...

Shame on me.

This Is The Time

2008-02-19T22:51:00.002+07:00

Once in a lifetime,
you shall reach the lowest point.
A state where you wish you were never exist.

Frankly speaking,
I've been there at that point several times.
Now it comes again.

I can feel it,
yet there's no one to be shared with.

I shall not cry,
for my tears are worthless.

Psychotic

2008-01-11T22:36:00.000+07:00

Rawr!!!
Raawwwrrr!!!
Raaaaaawwwwrrrrr!!!!

Argh!

I'm going insane...
...fuck off!!!

In My Shell

2008-01-02T20:27:00.000+07:00

Do you know how it feels to be bounded?

When you wake up in the morning,
the first thing you feel is sorrow.
When you already planned for something,
everything is taken away and there's nothing left but hollow.

I don't think you how it feels to be bounded.

Can you smile when you don't feel joy?
Can you laugh when you can't even choose your own clothes?
Can you be independent when everything has been done for you?
Can you feel my tension?

You can't.

A Beginning Of An End

2007-12-01T11:29:00.001+07:00

Please welcome,
a beginning of an end.
Should us be down?
Nah...

So here I am,
at the beginning of an end.
The very beginning.
Stare at the world from the edge.

This is the beginning of an end,
and the end is coming fast.

She Stepped Over The Edge

2007-11-06T13:02:00.000+07:00

This time,
she blows up.

She wishes to vanish.

The edge has been trespassed,
and she saw the forbidden side.

She wishes to die...

Busy Lazy

2007-11-06T00:03:00.000+07:00

Let me tell you a secret.

I'm busy,
being lazy.
Call me weird.

This would be our little secret.

I'm busy,
being lazy.
The world is too crowded.

Hush now!

There's No Corner In The Room

2007-10-29T10:24:00.000+07:00

I found myself laying,
the world is out of sight.
Everything's dreamy...

I found no other people,
but I didn't see any place to hide.
Things can be seen clearly...

There's no corner in the room,
I'm all on my own.
What is this place?
I'm feeling butterfly.

What Am I Then?

2007-10-10T15:43:00.001+07:00

Do you like him because he's similar to you?
Or what?
Are you being so happy because he has the same personality as you do?
I have questions in my head...

If so,
then what am I?
Is it so?

I love him,
with fear of being your shadow.
I really want to be with him,
with fear of being consumed by sorrow.

Pass You By

2007-10-04T18:26:00.000+07:00

What is it that you want to say?
Spit it out, baby.
Your anxiety?
What else could it be?

All I ever had,
with you...they all went bad.
Now should I be sad?
Nope, unless I'm mad.

Loving Him With All My Heart

2007-10-04T11:41:00.000+07:00

I see through the wall,
late at night when stars recall.
Reminds me that 'til the end,
he is going to stay with me now and then.

And I love him.
Oh, I do.

With all my heart...

Grow Up

2007-09-15T02:11:00.000+07:00

Hey! Why moan?
All my fault, right?
Hey! Why weep?
All disappear now...

I hope you're glad.
'Cause it's time for me to grow up.

Me, Me, Me, And More Of Me...

2007-08-25T13:49:00.000+07:00

It's time to be selfish now.
But not really,
really.

I've done what it takes to set myself free.
Without hurting others.
But not really,
really.

Have I been selfish?
For I intend to stop being self-centered.

Anyway,
anyhow,
fuck it all...

Can't Think Of Anything But You

2007-08-19T01:21:00.001+07:00

Hey, are you okay?
I've got something to say...
...in my mind.

Do you know that you're always there?
I think it's unfair...
...for you, my dear.

Do you know that it's always been you?
This feeling is too true...
...that consumes me slowly from the inside.

The End Of Weeping Days

2007-08-17T13:22:00.000+07:00

This is it.
My weeping days are over now.
Spitting shit.
We all spend sometimes for sorrow.

I'm here.
You're there.
We're all lost.

Lessons of Live, Lessons of Love

2007-08-06T23:28:00.000+07:00

Life shall not be wasted by tears.
Life shall not be broken by love.
Life shall be filled with happiness.
Life shall be put away from hate.

Someone told me those.

He taught me love.
He taught me how to be calm.
He taught me to solve problems without being panic.
He empowered me.

Now I've learnt,
loving someone is not yet complete without losing them...

Do It For Real

2007-08-03T02:06:00.001+07:00

Don't wait...
...if waiting makes you bored.
Because it would make you upset,
and left others tortured.

Don't wait...
...if waiting is not what you want to do.
Because you would end up mad,
and hurt others.

Don't wait...
...if you don't want to wait.
Because you won't do it for real.

The Voice Of Universe

2007-07-29T10:01:00.000+07:00

Hearing those steps in my mind,
makes me feel alone.
Comforting in my own universe.
I am the center.

Hearing my soul calling out for something unknown.
I feel individual,
yet unexiled.
I am trying to master my mind.

Myself whispers,
only wind can hear.

I love you,
I heard.

Lost Among The Hearts

2007-07-29T09:53:00.000+07:00

Stop telling me what to say.
Let me examine your soul, honey.
Stop breaking my heart and stay.
Let us be united, baby.

I am lost among the hearts,
but I know I'm looking for yours.

Starring at the garden of love in front of my eyes...
...my tears flow down like a river.

There's No Sun Behind The Clouds

2007-07-07T21:50:00.000+07:00

I can't understand myself,
and you.
Us. I can't understand.
Not this night.

You're tired of me,
and sick.
Sick of me. But you still try.

I see no sun behind the clouds.
My clouds.
Dark and cold.
Your clouds.
Thunderry.

I wish the sun was here.
I wanna weep.

An Extra Ordinary Memory

2007-06-25T18:54:00.000+07:00

It was not another ordinary past.
It was special and precious.
She keeps one extra ordinary memory to the last,
of the one who used to be precious...
...and still is.

She loves the sound of the piano,
of which always reminds her of the precious one.
The one who introduced her to the piano.
Everything was undone...
...left behind.

Dilemma

2007-06-21T23:02:00.000+07:00

Where am I standing?

I'm feeling like splitted into two.
Nothing else I could do.

What am I thinking?

I'm feeling like so unhappy.
Yet, no anxiety.

What am I saying?

I'm feeling like a fragile branch.
A horse trapped in a ranch.

What am I wanting?

Myself with whom?
Myself on a happy season of autumn.

What Would I Be Without You?

2007-06-10T23:40:00.000+07:00

Without you to be the voice,
I would be the eternal silence.

There was light,
to brighten the dark.
There was water,
to splash the land.

There you are,
to walk along with me...

Endless Time

2007-05-30T14:33:00.000+07:00

Days gone by,
nights passed away,
memories remain.
Tears run dry,
laughters take place,
memories don't change.

When a man can never stop missing what he used to have.
When a woman can never deny the love that stays in her heart.
They both cry silently,
wishing love would have made it through.

All I Had Was You

2007-05-22T22:16:00.000+07:00

Those old days are gone.
My atmosphere has gone,
either has yours.
We are weightless,
floating somewhere unknown.

Each time I touch the rain drops,
you're there.
Each time I see the sun sets,
you're there.
Each time wind blows my hair,
I feel you.

Those old days are gone.
My atmosphere has gone,
either has yours.
All I had was you,
now I have nothing.

Did I? Do You? If So...

2007-05-19T23:51:00.000+07:00

Did I drive you mad,
by all those tears of mine?
Do you care enough for me,
that you keep my fears away?
If so...
...why do I feel like dying now?

Did I turn out into a burden,
and be a problem for you?
Do you feel like nothing,
when troubles tear us apart?
If so...
...why do I feel like loving you still?

Come Through

2007-05-19T23:49:00.000+07:00

Take time,
to ease away the pain.

They're not meant to be.

Take time,
to let love come through.

They're not meant to be.

Take time,
to forgive and forget.

Mayber they're meant to be,
but not now...

Dear Sweet Heart...

2007-05-17T16:00:00.000+07:00

I miss you, sweet heart...
Such an indescribable feeling of sadness and joy.
I miss you, sweet heart...
For this is the best I can do.
I miss you, sweet heart...
Remembering every tears and laughters we've shared.
I miss you, sweet heart...
For I don't want anyone else.
I miss you, sweet heart...
I hope you miss me too.

I Miss You

2007-05-17T15:59:00.000+07:00

So I yelled,
with all my strength.
Why couldn't you struggle harder?
Be here!!!
Be mine...again.
I miss you.

Panic

2007-05-17T15:52:00.000+07:00

I have bruises,
on my arms...
on my legs...
on my face...

I have scars,
in my heart.

He's no longer here,
lonely me...
weepy me...
sadly free...

He's no longer here,
I'm panic.

Resting On My Nest

2007-05-15T19:24:00.000+07:00

Let me rest,
even for a while.
Let me stay on my nest,
even for a blink of an eye.
Let me close my eyes,
and let my wound healed.

Let me...
Let me...
Let me...

Breathe.

Permanent Stain

2007-05-13T23:48:00.000+07:00

There goes my permanent stain.
Forever I'll see in my heart,
but never again will I see it in the reality.
I've been there broken apart,
to realize there could only be me...
without anyone else.

There goes my permanent stain.
I'm no longer bleeding,
but at some lonely nights...
I hear my heart weeping.

Who Do You Think I Am?

2007-05-08T20:23:00.000+07:00

I do love you.
But you also have to understand,
I can't change just the way you want.
Not that fast.
I do love you.
But you still can't see,
I'm bounded by another pattern somewhere behind me.
You're a new one.

What am I to you?
To be forced what to do.
To be taught what to prove.
To be shown that a feeling is true.

I love you,
but please love me too...

I Shall No Longer...

2007-05-06T00:47:00.000+07:00

I shall no longer waste my tears,
for fear that I might lost you.
I had lost you before you could even realize.

I shall no longer be afraid,
for gaining pain in my heart.
Pain comes and goes.

I shall no longer play silly games,
for fear that I might be a nobody.
I am already a somebody...
for someone out there.

Dreams And Hopes

2007-05-02T09:32:00.000+07:00

She used to hope he would always be there,
no matter what.
But she was told it can't be more than just a dream.

She used to hope he would be better than ever,
so they could get together.
But she was shown it can't be more than just a dream.

She can no longer believe in her hopes,
there's nothing left but dreams...

Love Is Not Love Until We Lost It

2007-05-02T09:31:00.000+07:00

We've all been there,
should've we known.
Love is not love until we lost it,

Now we're here,
should've we known.
Let us learn not to let love go,
to realize that it is love that we have.

See Things Differently

2007-04-25T00:49:00.000+07:00

This is what most people do...
being spectators.

Giving comments on what others do,
but for themselves...
...they do nothing instead.

This is what most people think...
being a trend-setter is better than being a follower.

I'd say,
even a trend-setter is a follower...
...so there's nothing wrong with being a follower.

It's just a matter of viewing things from another horizon...

I'd say,
it's legal to be different.

What Are Us?

2007-04-22T18:08:00.000+07:00

Where are you?

Long have you disappeared.
An unusual habit of you.
Long have I been worried.

Who am I?

Long have I been trying to be alone.
So not me, so untrue.
Long have I been known that it is undone.

Simultaneous Chain

2007-04-16T22:08:00.000+07:00

Do we have to...
...change for people we love?
Do they change for us?

Do we have to...
...smile in front of people we care,
when we actually want to cry out loud?
Do they smile for us,
even when they're down?

Do we have to...
...act as if we were strong,
when we know that we're weak?

Do we have to...
...put a smile on a sunny day?
Pretending to love the sunny weather,
when we hate it...

Faking denial.

Those Terms

2007-04-11T12:02:00.000+07:00

It's only a term,
of an unexplainable stupidity.
Called alacrity.

You know it's never easy to let go,
and why you said so?

It's only a term,
of an unexplainable stupidity.
Called ego.

So, Just Stop!

2007-04-03T19:31:00.000+07:00

There 'it'goes again..
acting like 'it' knows me that well.

I'm simply fed up.
But I just sighed,
some people just have no manners..
..acting like they're right and we're wrong.

Life's not about black and white,
but grey.

So, just stop!
Stop acting like knowing my life so well!
Back off!
Fuck off!

Do You Know Me?

2007-03-28T00:11:00.000+07:00

Do you know me?
For I don't need any sympathy,
from people who think they know me..
..while they don't.
It hurts me thousands times more.

Do you know me?
If you don't,
just shut your trap.
For what you said might harm yourself.

Dear An Initial

2007-03-20T18:52:00.000+07:00

You don't really know me,
not anymore.

What lies beneath my flesh,
inside my mind,
you no longer know.

Pressures are given to feed me,
they remain here.

How world is still being torn apart from me,
left a burning scar in my heart,
do you know?

I wanna escape to you,
but I could no longer do..

Black Butterfly

2007-03-20T17:46:00.000+07:00

I saw a beautiful black butterfly,
flew in front of my eyes.
It was such a crowded place,
but everything freezed.
I saw none but the black butterfly,
nothing could draw my attention.

I saw a beautiful black butterfly,
and I knew something would disappear..

A Reply For The Short Message From An Initial

2007-03-18T23:06:00.000+07:00

So hard have I tried to save you and me.
So hard have I struggled to achieve an acceptance.
But everyday I cry you a river,
for pressures have always been my allies.

Now I can only mourn, I can only weep,
and I can no longer sleep..
for boundaries are everything I see, everything I feel,
and the obstacles that seal.

A Short Message From An Initial

2007-03-18T23:01:00.000+07:00

My presence's a dead air,
for I don't feel my surroundings.
My presence's negative,
for I always seemed dark and unfriendly.
My presence hurts the one I love.

Obsessed

2007-03-18T22:34:00.000+07:00

When I eat,
there comes the guilt.
A sweet sin with shadow,
poisonous beauty like black widow.
When I eat,
everything tastes bitter sweet.
No longer can I hold any temptation,
a deadly thing covered by lovely sensation.

Poor Siblings

2007-03-13T22:46:00.000+07:00

I saw my brother this morning..
..with a frown written there.
There were no two taken to tango,
time for him to find someone else.
A sad love story..

I woke up earlier this morning..
..what I felt was anxiety.
For the one that I love is out of reach,
and I wish he would see what I see.
Another sad love story..

I don't know how he feels,
he doesn't know what I feel.

We're just poor siblings..
..trying to find love.

Life In A Box

2007-03-13T22:43:00.000+07:00

He said I had made a box to be lived in,
a thin and invisible box made of glass..
..for no reason.
He wondered why I couldn't break the box.

Well, here's my reason..
..I hate the pain when I have to break the glass.
I've been there before.

I live in a box now,
a thin and invisible box made of glass..
..watching people come and go.
I live my life in fears and tears.

What Keeps Insanity Away From Me

2007-03-09T21:36:00.000+07:00

A friend asked me,
"Are you okay?"

I replied with a sigh,
"No, I'm not.."

Then a long silence..
"..but I'm making myself feel that I'm okay."

My Life

2007-03-04T01:23:00.000+07:00

I wrote down my life with sadness and joy.
All I know is a fact that life has turned me upside down..
..all the time.
It's my life, though..

I have no idea of what you had written in life.
All I know is a fact that you has been struggling so hard..
..all the time.
But you're a bit late, though..

Sugarry Sky

2007-03-02T22:00:00.000+07:00

I see stars like sugar.
But still,
empty..empty..empty..

I see you as the brightest star.
But still,
everything has failed me..

I see my reflection in a place too far.
But still,
the presence of you stays here..

We'll Be Missing Those Moments

2007-03-01T15:55:00.000+07:00

I'll be missing our moments,
and so will you.

When our hands were holding tight,
and whispers were made along the wind that slipped through our ears.
One past memory..

You made a comforting touch,
in your arms I used to lay my head and dream about our future.
But our future is only a past now..
..too bad.

I'll be missing our moments,
and so will you.

We shall smile,
each time we look at the empty grey sky.

Me without you,
you without me..